


Kadan

by TrashPrince69



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Background Cremisius "Krem" Aclassi, Bull's Chargers, Character Death, M/M, Necklace of the Kadan, Rocky - Freeform, Sad, Skinner - Freeform, Stitches, Trespasser DLC, dalish of the chargers, grim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 07:57:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12813087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashPrince69/pseuds/TrashPrince69
Summary: Inquisitor Adaar struggles with the fact that The Iron Bull betrays him, and blames himself for it all.





	Kadan

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a quick little drabble I wrote about what my Adaar would do if Bull betrayed him in Trespasser. Just for fun, yanno?

My arm throbs with pain as I weakly crawl over to him as I watch his chest rise and fall, slower and slower.  
The Iron Bull.  
The man I had fallen so hard for.  
The man I swore I'd spend the rest of my life with, no matter how far apart life took us.  
The man who turned on me and forced me to fight him. Forced me to fight through tears and pain.  
I hear the others with me murmuring as I make it to Bull with a sniffle.   
He looks at me with his one, grey green eye. His expression is of anger and hate. At least, he seems to think so. His eye is shining with unshed tears, his ears twitch down sadly. I know him too well for his Ben-Hassrath training to work on me. That or he's too emotional to really try like normal.  
I sigh shakily as I stroke his cheek while his breathing slows. I know someone is disapproving of my actions, of my soft heartedness, but I don't care. I can't help it. I loved him so much...  
I decide to press a kiss to his lips. One final kiss before I have to let him go. For a second, he seems to kiss me back, but it's so faint I doubt that he did.  
But I like to think he did.   
He turns his gaze to my own eyes, looking at me for a second. He stares, says nothing. He just stares before closing his eye slowly.  
I feel his chest stop.  
I break.  
Tears stream down my face as I let my forehead rest on his for a long moment, longer than I should have.  
I barely manage to choke out a prayer as I take his dragon tooth necklace. I beg the Maker to take Bull to his side in death. I beg Him to let Bull find peace in eternity. I know it may be asking too much, but I could not bear to thought of Bull suffering any more than he already had. Any more than I'd forced him to.  
Even as we move on, leaving his body behind, I blame myself. I drove him closer to the Qun. His men were gone. Krem, Dalish, Rocky... all of them, gone.  
I pray again that Bull finds the Chargers at the Maker's side.  
\---------------------------------------  
Stopping the Qunari, learning the truth about Solas... Nothing feels like a victory as I stand alone at the Winter Palace. My arm is lost, as is my love. My heart is shattered and I don't know if I'll ever be able to pick up all the pieces again.  
I head to the eluvian.  
It's still active, thank the Maker.   
Cole, follows me, and soon the others. Just to see where I'm going.  
I return the the Darvaarad. To the place I left Bull.  
We find him easily enough, and I can already feel the tears welling up again.   
The Qunari customs for the dead pain me. It's no longer him, just a shell and doesn't deserve special treatment apparently. But to me, it's still him. If it weren't for the various wounds I inflicted, he'd look asleep. He looked so peaceful and calm...  
As I walk to him, wanting to get him out of there for a funeral, I hear a couple of my friends turn to leave. I sob at that.  
They don't know...  
They don't understand the pain of losing someone like that. All they see now is the betrayal, the back stabbing. All they see any more is hatred and fear.  
I try my best to lift him up with one arm, trying to stop crying long enough to accomplish the task.   
The crying gets worse as Varric runs over to help me.  
Varric was always so sweet, always willing to help others, even when he was upset himself. Varric was always there for me, and even for Bull.  
Varric rubs my back, tearing up too. He hates to see his loved ones so broken.  
Cole joins us too.  
Dorian and Blackwall soon follow.  
Not for Bull, not after what he'd done, but for me.  
\----------------------------------  
I kneel by Bull's pyre, an urn ready to collect his ashes.   
I'm alone.  
Varric and Cole stand a distance away, ready to comfort me should I ask, but I still feel alone.  
Bull was something I had needed in my life. A stablizing force, a person who laughed loudly and made me feel wanted. He was someone who, despite not liking my Tal-Vashoth status, he still took a chance to get to know me.  
Sitting here, I wonder if he did love me...  
He called me bas before attacking...  
How many times did he say 'bas' to me instead of 'boss'?  
I shake the thought from my head, preferring to think of the joy he'd brought me.  
The times he brought me random trinkets he thought I'd like. The times he dragged me into my bedroom only to kiss all over my face. The times he'd crawl into my bed late at night just to hold me. Every single time he made a stupid joke just to try and make me laugh or smile on a bad day.  
I sob softly and manage a smile as I think about Bull going to the Maker's side.  
I think about him seeing the Chargers again. How they'd all hug him and exclaim how they missed him. I think about how he'd hug them all and cry as he apologizes for what was my fault. Krem would hug him tight, tearing up while calling him a big baby...  
I manage a laugh as I think of it.  
Our necklaces clink together around my neck...  
'For the Qunari, there is an old tradition. You find a dragon's tooth, break it in half, and you each wear a piece. Then, no matter how far apart life takes you, you are always together.'  
My smile drops again.  
Life took us too far apart.  
He's gone where I cannot follow, and I don't know when we'll be able to meet again.  
I just hope he can forgive me when we do.


End file.
